The winter holiday season begins next week with Thanksgiving. The holidays can be difficult for many reasons, including the loss of a loved one (especially during the past year), emotional and physical health issues, addictions, family relationships, and financial difficulty. This year, in the wake of the election many of us have the added stress of fearing what’s to come politically. Some of us are fearing for our physical safety and the safety of loved ones. It’s my hope that everyone has what they feel is an emotionally and physically safe place to be for the holidays.
Each year at this time, I circulate a resource I’ve found to be helpful both personally and pastorally for surviving the holidays. This resource is the Holiday Bill of Rights. Originally published many years ago by the American Psychological Association as the Griever’s Bill of Rights, I think it applies to many people, not just those who are grieving for various reasons. For all who may find it useful, I present the Holiday Bill of Rights. You can download a copy here.
The Holiday Bill of Rights
1. You have the right to say, “time out” anytime you need. Time out to blow off a little steam, step away from the holidays and have a “huddle” and start over.
2. You have the right to “tell it like it is”. When people ask, “How are you?” You have the right to tell them how you really feel as well as the right to smile and say you’re fine because telling them how you really feel isn’t worth your time. Some people will never understand anyway.
3. You have the right to some “bah humbug” days. You are not a bad person just because you don’t feel like being festive right now or today or this week.
4.You have the right to do things differently. There is no law that says you must always do the Holidays the same way you have always done. You can have a vegan Thanksgiving dinner instead of turkey. You can open can go without a Christmas tree or spend New Year’s Eve watching movies with a friend. You can be creative and start a new tradition.
5.You have the right to celebrate holidays where you want to be, at home or at a relative’s place or with a group of friends. There’s no law that says you must stay home, or you must go someplace.
6. You have the right to some fun. When you have a day that isn’t so bad and you feel like doing something for fun, then do it. Laughter is every bit as important and healing as tears.
7. You have the right to change your mind or change direction in mid-stream. You may be all ready to go somewhere or do something and suddenly you are overwhelmed or don’t feel like it. When that happens, it’s okay to change your mind.
8. You have the right to do things at different times. You can go to church or temple at a different time than you have in the past. You can serve a meal at a different time; go to bed at a different time.
9. You have the right to rest, peace, and solitude. You don’t need to be busy all the time. Take a nap whenever you need one. Take time to pray and to meditate, to recharge your spirit - it may do you better than eating another huge meal.
10. You have the right to do it all differently again next year. Just because you change things one year and try something different does not mean you have to do it exactly the same way next year.
